Wasting Today Worrying About Tomorrow

Sak Pase!!

Read the title of this post once again please. Read it again, then again. Then take some time to think about your life.

Being in medical school comes with all of these expectations to be a superhuman and work harder than anyone else. And these expectations are definitely real. I mean, I study EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's like a full time job, except I'm working a double shift every day. Classes from 8-11:20, then from 2-4. Shower, then study from 5-10:30pm. This is my life now and I've embraced it. Matter of fact, I love it! I've got to be smart with my studying. Work hard, work harder, work harder some more, THEN play hard. In other words, put in lots of time studying then take some time to enjoy myself. I give props to all of the people who are able to study, study, study, but me, I need my breaks. My basic brain needs some time away from all things medicine.

"Bettyna you're having too much fun, aren't you supposed to be in med school?" Yea, go ahead and study medicine weekly from 8am-10:30 pm (exam weeks aren even worse) then come back and ask me that again. What's the point of burning yourself out so much that you don't even make time to cook a decent meal for yourself? or appreciate the present moment? I think this has always been my mistake. I have always worried about the future that I never took enough time to enjoy the moment. Doesn't that sound miserable? Wasting your today worrying about tomorrow? I have a lot of people who are counting on me for a better life. It can be stressful and I find myself shutting down. When I have those moments, it's because I'm burned out. I go on and on, just floating through the week not really living in the moment. Forgetting that I also matter. The people who are counting on me matter too, but I also matter. How will I make things better for another person if things aren't good for me? How do I take care of another person, if I don't take care of me. My health matters. My goal as a future physician is to contribute to "bon sante" aka "good health" to my patients. But how will I give good health to others if I am also not in bon sante? Not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.

Now that I'm doing what I love AND taking care of myself, I am at peace. I feel like I have the power to handle anything that is thrown at me. Pray and give it a try. Ask God for peace and once you receive it, life will get easier. Just like me you will take a few minutes of your life just to jump on your bed while listening to your favorite song, or lip sync on snapchat to a song on your playlist. Yes, you will have those nights when you just want to scream and the tears are nonstop but that's when you know you need to take a step back and take care of YOU. YOU MATTER. You can't accomplish all of your goals and your dreams if you're not in good health or alive to see them through. Take care of YOU.

So for the people who asked....YES, I'm in med school. But YAAAASSS, I am also living in the moment while I'm still alive to do so. 

I'm sorry for all of the mushy words and feelings, but this was on my mind and writing always helps me feel better. I appreciate you, thank you for reading.

SN: I went on a boat trip with some friends and acquaintances to Anguilla today. Anguilla is a small neighboring island near St. Maarten. Pictures and short snap videos are below! This is also me enjoying the present moment :)

TTYL!

Went Hiking

Sak Pase!

I went hiking today with a couple of friends. I'm from Florida so we don't really have mountains, and when I go hiking, it's on a flat terrain lol.  Enjoy the pics and short videos.

TTYL!

I PASSED!

Sak Pase!

Well, I'm alive. It's been a wild week, with lots of tears lol. I'm not kidding, I'm a big baby and the tears were plentiful. Before I tell you the sequence of events, I would like to first explain the exam breakdowns at AUC.

As you know, I've had an embryology exam every Monday since we started. Today (we switched it to Tuesday this time because of exams yesterday) was our last embryo exam because Embryology is only a 5 week course. So now I'm done with embryo until our final at the end of August.

For every other class, we have exams A and exams B. Exams A are on a Friday, they give you the weekend to study and then exams B are that following Monday. Let me explain. For each block, each professor writes two exams. Which means if we don't pass Friday exams (exam A) we can take exams B on Monday to try to pass and they'll take the best of the two scores. However, don't be fooled, the exams are nowhere near the same. They're COMPLETELY different questions y'all. And I even think the exams on Monday were harder. So for example, for our Molecular cell Bio (MCB) course, we had lectures on 9 topics for this block. On exam A, maybe the professor wrote that test to focus more on topics 1-4 and only a little on 5-9. And he wrote Exam B to focus on topics 5-9 more so than topics 1-4. In that way,  you get to test all of your strengths and weaknesses for those topics. I hope that makes sense and I didn't confuse you.

I passed everything the first time around!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!  Class average was around 70 percent for MCB, I scored high above the average. Class average for Histology was 60 percent, I scored high above average for that too. Class average was 66 percent for Anatomy, and I scored high above average for that too. The second time around, I did worse! Well, except for Histo, I improved my score by 6 percent.

I scored only slightly above average on my Anatomy Cadaver lab practical from yesterday. The average was around 85. Passed my embryology exam from today also! I haven't gotten the full score report yet so I'm not sure what the class average is for that one. *UPDATE: Just got the score report. The class average for this exam was a 67.5 percent. Lol we're all tired man.* I think I did just slightly lower on that embryo exam compared to the others because I was soooooo over studying. After taking those midterms for my other classes and the lab practical, my brain couldn't take anymore. I was just like eff embryo and I went out with some friends last night. Had a drink or two. I had a blast and I do not regret any second of it. My brain needed a break. Still woke up this morning and studied some more and managed to get a score close to my usual. GO BETTYNA!

I know this might not mean much to you reading this but this is a huge deal to me. Med school isn't easy. But if you put in the work, you should be fine. A LOT OF WORK. Like sleep, eat, and breathe med school. Haha. KIDDING. But really, I have plenty of me time but only when exams aren't stressing me out. Just gotta learn how to balance everything.

I want to say thank you to all of my friends and family who've been there for me. You know who you are. The ones who listen to me complain and cry EVERY SECOND about how dumb I am and how I don't belong here because I'm an imposter. The ones who convince me otherwise and push me to go on. I love you all sincerely. What would life be without you guys? MISERABLE.

Oh oh! And I managed to make time togo to the gym last week. Seeee, it's all about balance. So remember my previous blog post with all of the questions.....Will Bettyna learn to manage her time? Will she pass her exams? Will she go to the gym? THE ANSWERS ARE ALL YESSS. Now, stay tuned to find out if Bettyna finishes med school. Haha. Now, I rest. Goodnight!

PS: Enjoy the little snapchat videos I recorded during my study break. *Shrugs*

TTYL!