Read the title of this post once again please. Read it again, then again. Then take some time to think about your life.
Being in medical school comes with all of these expectations to be a superhuman and work harder than anyone else. And these expectations are definitely real. I mean, I study EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's like a full time job, except I'm working a double shift every day. Classes from 8-11:20, then from 2-4. Shower, then study from 5-10:30pm. This is my life now and I've embraced it. Matter of fact, I love it! I've got to be smart with my studying. Work hard, work harder, work harder some more, THEN play hard. In other words, put in lots of time studying then take some time to enjoy myself. I give props to all of the people who are able to study, study, study, but me, I need my breaks. My basic brain needs some time away from all things medicine.
"Bettyna you're having too much fun, aren't you supposed to be in med school?" Yea, go ahead and study medicine weekly from 8am-10:30 pm (exam weeks aren even worse) then come back and ask me that again. What's the point of burning yourself out so much that you don't even make time to cook a decent meal for yourself? or appreciate the present moment? I think this has always been my mistake. I have always worried about the future that I never took enough time to enjoy the moment. Doesn't that sound miserable? Wasting your today worrying about tomorrow? I have a lot of people who are counting on me for a better life. It can be stressful and I find myself shutting down. When I have those moments, it's because I'm burned out. I go on and on, just floating through the week not really living in the moment. Forgetting that I also matter. The people who are counting on me matter too, but I also matter. How will I make things better for another person if things aren't good for me? How do I take care of another person, if I don't take care of me. My health matters. My goal as a future physician is to contribute to "bon sante" aka "good health" to my patients. But how will I give good health to others if I am also not in bon sante? Not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
Now that I'm doing what I love AND taking care of myself, I am at peace. I feel like I have the power to handle anything that is thrown at me. Pray and give it a try. Ask God for peace and once you receive it, life will get easier. Just like me you will take a few minutes of your life just to jump on your bed while listening to your favorite song, or lip sync on snapchat to a song on your playlist. Yes, you will have those nights when you just want to scream and the tears are nonstop but that's when you know you need to take a step back and take care of YOU. YOU MATTER. You can't accomplish all of your goals and your dreams if you're not in good health or alive to see them through. Take care of YOU.
So for the people who asked....YES, I'm in med school. But YAAAASSS, I am also living in the moment while I'm still alive to do so.
I'm sorry for all of the mushy words and feelings, but this was on my mind and writing always helps me feel better. I appreciate you, thank you for reading.
SN: I went on a boat trip with some friends and acquaintances to Anguilla today. Anguilla is a small neighboring island near St. Maarten. Pictures and short snap videos are below! This is also me enjoying the present moment :)
TTYL!
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