Let Them Love You

Sak Pase!

I haven't had the motivation to write lately or else I would have been flooding your emails and social media timelines :)

Let's talk about mental health for the first part of this post hunh? I am Haitian. Haitians typically do not believe in mental illnesses. It's taboo and it isn't addressed. You're experiencing a mental and emotional issue? It's because you're "fou" which means crazy, or it's because you need to pray. Prayer is important of course, but we usually dismiss any mention of mental illness. For example, I have a dear loved one in Haiti right now dealing with mental illness and it's been so hard trying to find somewhere to get her adequate professional help. It shouldn't be like this. I wish my people would realize how important mental health is for our overall well-being, to create a better sense of self and a better future.

Only a few months ago, anything that would happen to me and around me would have me spiraling out of control. I had no control over my mind. It wanted to go in a different direction than where I wanted it, so to speak. Every time I wanted to rest, my mind wanted to wander. When I wanted to pray, anxiety took over my mind. The mind is a powerful thing. You tell yourself you're okay when in fact you're not okay. You tell yourself something doesn't bother you when in fact it does. You think you have it all under control, when in fact this is the reality:

Anyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am with drinking tea, so the above is a perfect image haha. However, I've been trying to get my mental and emotional state completely in check these past two months. It's like every time I think I have myself and my surroundings under control, something comes in and throws me off balance. Now, I'm definitely much better at taking control of my mind and how it reacts to external and uncontrollable factors, especially with prayer, but it's still a work in progress.

STRESS, is that you creeping up on me from the corner fam? I welcome you with open arms and a stronger mind. DOUBT, is that you too? Yo, ANXIETY? Come give it your best shot though! The point I'm trying to make here is to be honest with yourself. Don't pretend it's all okay when everything around you and inside your mind is in flames. That's not healthy. Work on yourself and get help if you need it. As much as I wish this weren't true, you can't handle everything alone. Talk to someone, cry to someone. Let them love you!

With that said, MEDICAL SCHOOL!

I have an anatomy lab exam tomorrow and my second set of midterms for my other 3 classes next week. The grind is on again! Can't believe I'm already halfway through my first semester of med school. Still in love with my school! AUC keeps me content. Because of hurricane Irma that hit the island last September, the school is still under construction. Our class complained about the noise from the construction and we all received Plantronics noice cancelling headphones. As you can see below, I am not complaining anymore as my ears are happy.

Finally, I will be homeless come end of August if I don't find a place to live quick. Only first semester students and fifth semester students are guaranteed a spot in the on-campus apartments. Everyone else only gets a spot if there are any available. I hear that the upcoming September class will be a huge class, meaning no spots for us for the on-campus apartments. So I will be kicked out after this semester ends in August. I haven't had any luck finding a place to live so I'm high-key freaking out. The good apartments available are apartments with 2 or 3 rooms OR studio apartments. I don't want any roommates whatsoever and I don't want to live in a studio. I think both of these things are torture.  Oh and everything here is soooooo expensive. A studio, a SMALL STUDIO costs about $1200, a large one is about $1350. Like yoo, guess I'll have to go take some money from my hidden money tree now.

Wish me luck.

TTYL!