I Wish I Wish

Sak Pase!

To begin this post, my good friend's family was in a horrible accident and I mean HORRIBLE. Their car got hit by a drunk driver. If you're able to help, please take the time to donate to their gofundme. They are in A LOT of debt and they need as much help as they can get. If you're not able to donate, please share the link on your social media pages and to your friends and family. Thank you in advance. Here is the link---> gf.me/u/snf7a9

Y'all I'M A 4TH SEMESTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The plan was for me to post right after exams but I was so excited to be done with third semester that I didn't go anywhere near my laptop. I had PTSD. Classes start tomorrow but my brain is still on vacation mode until further notice. I'm not ready for more of this torture so I'm just going to stay in denial and convince myself that I have one more week to vacay.

This past semester came for my life and it came in full force but I DID IT Y'ALL, I made the dean's list again and honored two courses. Let me brag a little, I gotta learn to pat myself on the back. Buttttt YET AGAIN, just like in Phys I, I came so close to honoring Phys II....like 1 percent away but I didn't 😑 Beggars can't be choosers so I have no regrets.

I am grateful for this semester, I learned a lot and God showed up and showed out. I don't know what I would do or where I would be without prayer. I didn't think doing well this semester was going to happen but it did. I need to believe in myself a little more because this self-doubt thing is getting a little old. It's getting A LOT old. I'm tired of the anxiety and the panic attacks I go through each semester because my brain wants to overthink and convince itself that I do not belong here. Every morning, I must remind myself "Bettyna you've made this far which means you have the ability to go even further." EVERY MORNING. That's my pep talk to me. That's how I'm able to get up and study every day. Well, almost every day because some mornings, the pep talk doesn't work so I either remain in bed, cry, pray, or watch youtube videos. I have issues but I embrace them. I'm working on them everyday. I'm sharing this because I don't want anyone reading this to think that this all comes easy for me because that would be so far from the truth. I have to deal with personal bullshit, family bullshit, financial bullshit while I med skooool but that's part of life. I have to remind myself that others have it worst (or is it worse?) than I do. I have to remind myself that this isn't just for me. This is for the people who came before me who didn't have the choice to do all this. Those who came before me who couldn't dare DREAM. I have the freedom to not only dream but to live out those dreams. These reminders are what gets me up. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. When they don't, I just let it be and I take a day off. WAAAAAAAA? A med student taking the day OFF? Yep! This past semester, there was a point in time where I took a whole week off from studying. That meant more work for me later but when you can't....you just CAN'T! It's okay to take a day off. Cuz what am I? Superwoman? I wish.

Without further ado, introducing my new classes for this semester: ICM IV, PATH II, PHARMACOLOGY, and NEUROSCIENCE. I heard Pharm is worse than med micro and y'all know how much I suffered in med micro. So I guess Pharm and I are going to be on an uphill battle. I know myself and myself doesn't do quite well with memorization, I do better with concepts. Med micro and Pharm are both rote memorization so you see how that's an issue for me. Yeesh, wish me luck.

Just a little fun fact..... My goal at AUC is not to make dean's list or honor a class every semester. That goal was only set for my second semester because I had something I wanted to prove to MYSELF. After I met my goal that second semester, my goal then changed. In other words, my goal now is to NOT FAIL A CLASS no matter what hell I must go through. So please don't EXPECT me to make the list every semester. If I do, then great. If I don't...did I pass my classes with 70 percent or above that semester? Yes? then I am satisfied. Dean's list is just the icing on the cake y'all....it's important that you remember that. Shoutout to the people who made it to the next semester. For those who have to repeat a class, shoutout to you too. You'll get 'em next time. You're doing something that a lot of people wouldn't dare do. You're doing something that others find almost impossible. Look at you dawg!! LOOK AT YOUU! Also a big shoutout to the ones at AUC who have always been there to help a girl out. I mean they're always there! Y'all know who you are!

I wish, I wish with all my heart to excel this semester in a land called med school. *

TTYL!


*I hope y'all caught the "Dragon Tales" reference 😉