I failed COMP

SAK PASE!!

This is going to be a long post so take a cup of tea or some ice cream and read on. Also, I apologize for the spelling and grammar mistakes. My brain is on vacay after the semester I've had here.

It's been a while but I had no time whatsoever to even breathe, let alone update my precious blog. I barely made it through this semester. No amount of "smart" can get you through 5th semester if you're not strong-willed lol. I'm not trying to scare anyone but every one who knows me and who's been reading this blog knows that I like to tell it like it this. I don't sugar coat anything and I especially don't like to pretend that med school is easy for me. I LOVE to complain on here because I always end up feeling better afterwards... sooo, bad for you, yay for me lol.

I know you're dying for me to get to the title of this post lol. Yes, I failed comp. I'm embarrassed to say it but yea, I failed Comp 1. I'm not one to make excuses but some students who had to come back to the island to take comp 4 said that this comp was the hardest one they've taken.  I mean half of the things on that exam I didn't recognize. But I shouldn't use that as an excuse because I think about 46 percent of my class passed it, so if a handful of people passed then the problem had to be me right?

My friends from the semesters ahead of me told me what to do, they told me to do AT LEAST one block of questions (40 Q's) on Uworld every day but I didn't listen. Instead, I felt like I had to do content review because I felt like I didn't know shit. So that's what I did. I purchased Cramfighter and made a schedule.  I reviewed, I did First Aid, I watched Boards and Beyond, I read Pathoma etc. And I only did a block of questions when I had a time ----> MISTAKE NUMBER 1,2,3, 4, and 5 lol. That's where I effed up. During the Comp exam, I ran out of time in every single section y'all except for the 3rd section. This whole semester was a joke simply because I didn't study well. I will continue this topic but even though I think I explained what comp was on last few posts I'll explain again for the ones who do not know.....

So we have 5 semesters here, our first semester we take anatomy, anatomy lab, embryology, histology and Molecular and Cell Biology 1 (MCB 1). Our second semester we take, physiology 1, MCB 2, and Immunology. Our third semester we take Pathology 1, Physiology 2, and Microbiology. Our fourth semester we take Pathology 2, Pharmacology and Neuroscience. In addition, throughout all of these semesters we are also taking Intro to Clinical Medicine (ICM). So first semester we take ICM 1, second semester we take ICM 2, so on and so forth. Everyone in semesters 1-4 take block exams together mostly. So most of the time our schedules are the same for exams. Our fifth semester is a tad bit different however. We are in a whole different world. We take Behavioral Science, Medical Ethics, ICM 5 and ICM 6. ICM 5 is like our normal ICM classes where we are pretend-doctors and we do and learn doctor thangs but ICM 6 is where we learn and do everything COMP.

Personally I feel like the school fails us in the scheduling and the way they go about that last semester. I feel like we're just thrown into a pack of wolves to try to fend for ourselves and make it out alive at the end and it actually really sucks oranges. From semesters 1-4 we focus on and memorize STUPID LITTLE DETAILS so we can pass the professors exams and then we change our learning styles at the end of each course so we can take the NBME customized finals for each class. Yet, for our 5th semester we're supposed to completely change the way we learned and also throw away the small details we had to learn for the professors exams so we can pass Comp. I feel like the school should make all of our midterms exam from semesters 1-4 NBME exams so we can be prepared to take and kill comp during our 5th semester. Do I sound salty? well, yes, cuz I am. I love AUC so so so much, you guys know this but this is something that needs to be looked at. 

Anyway, back to comp....what is it? It's like a huge 200 question, 5-hour NBME comprehensive exam that we have to pass before we leave the Island for the school to clear us to go take the Step 1 exam in the States. It's the school's way of ensuring that we are ready for the board exam and that we won't embarrass them and fail Step 1. Basically, we have to take everything we learned from all of our semesters at AUC and apply them on that exam at the end of 5th semester. If we do not pass comp 1, we have a chance to take a 125-question physiology shelf exam AND a 125-question pathology shelf exam to satisfy the requirements of ICM6. You have to pass BOTH exams! If we don't pass both exams, our next chance is to take comp 2 on the island. If you do not pass comp 2, you're able to leave the island and go home but you have a semester to study then you have to take COMP 3 in a Prometric center in the states. If you then fail comp 3, you have to come back to the island and spend another semester here with the current 5th semester students and take comp 4, then the shelves or comp 5 if you don't pass. If you end up not passing any of them then I think that's the end of the line. But don't quote me on that. MIND you, we have to study for comp by ourselves during that last semester but that't not all that we have to do. We have to take the behavioral sciences course and pass all of the exams, take medical ethics and pass all of those exams and here's the worst part...ICM 5. We have to pretend-doctor and go to ICM small group almost every single morning from 9-11am, present cases, attend workshops, and pass our physical exam checkoffs and our OSCEs (I talked about what OSCEs are in a previous post if you're interested in learning more about it). Anyway, it's quite a lot and it makes me really sad how unprepared we were for this. Maybe the hella smart people were good, but me I was NOT good. I've never cried so much in my life :)

So yea I didn't follow my friends' advice to focus more on questions rather than on content review so I was at a disadvantage. I wasn't familiar with the questions on comp plus I wasn't good with timing (which is why I ran out of time in almost every section.) I took the exam on Monday, November 25th and found out that I failed on Tuesday. I was sad but I wasn't even bothered, I was like it's cool Imma get up and try again. JOKES. Tuesday I was fine, Wednesday I was fine but Thursday y'all, I had a meltdown in my room. I boohoo cried and I legit couldn't stop. I cried for hours, yes hours lol. It was so pitiful. I finally decided to contact a friend that evening and he made me feel a little less stupid. But this is what happens when you don't deal with your emotions. I didn't deal with the fact that I failed comp and it hit me a few days later. I just felt so bad you know? Like here I am doing well in my semesters here and making dean's list and the honor society but then I went and failed comp. I had people counting on me and looking up to me and the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint because I take that very seriously. So it just hit me that I disappointed not only myself but my father, friends, and you guys! But what can I say, I'm not perfect and I take pleasure in my imperfections because it's in my imperfections and weaknesses that God's glory shines through me the more. I strongly believe that God does everything for a reason. From the time I failed Comp1 to the time I took the pathology shelf, I learned soooooo much you guys. And all I did was questions. I feel like God was trying to prove a point. For the physiology shelf, I think I did over 500 questions to prepare for it. For my path shelf, I probably did a little under that simply because I was also reading some chapters in my Pathoma book. I honestly think I learned more during that two week or so period then i've learned this whole semester. QUESTIONS are literally life.

The good news is I ended up passing both the phys and the path NBME shelves so i'm cleared to sign up and take Step 1, thank God! This past Monday was Comp 2 for the people who still needed to pass, for the ones who passed everything we were required to take a Kaplan full length 8 hour simulation exam that's supposed to mimic the step 1 exam. We didn't have to pass but we had to take it. So yep, now I'm done done, just need to pack my stuff and leave Sint Maarten for good. Very bittersweet.

If I had any advice to give anyone for 5th semester, even though by the time you get to 5th semester everything might be different, I would say definitely do some content review if you can but please don't make the same mistake I made. DO QUESTIONS every. single. day. I can't stress that enough. A block of questions should suffice, if you want to do more that's cool but remember you have to go through all the right and wrong answers with a fine tooth comb after you take said block so quality is better than quantity. Also, find a support buddy that you can cry and vent to if you ever feel overwhelmed. The semester is not hard, med school isn't hard, it's honestly a mind game and the sooner you learn to play it the better. You have to work smart, not hard honey, okkkrruuurrr 💅

Finally, some small small tings...I performed at the BMSA talent show again this semester and they actually decided to have judges judge the talent show and GUESS WHAT!? Yo girl won! I performed two songs, "Never Enough" by Loren Alfred, and "You Say" by Lauren Daigle. When it was time to announce the winner the crowd and judges couldn't choose between me and a wonderful musician named Mirza, so we had to do a sing off. I only ended up winning because I chose to sing "Listen" by Beyonce. I love that song so much and the crowd did too so yea that's that. Mirza is still definitely super duper talented because the guy can SANNNNG, he can play the keyboard and the guitar. Who knows what else he can do? and me ...lol I just sing. But anyway, i'll take the win and run with it lol. I didn't get a chance to have my friends record the Beyonce song but I'll post the videos for the other two songs I performed below. Also I went hiking today with some friends, so I'll also post some nice videos of that below. The trail we went to was called Guana bay if anyone's interested. It was so beautiful!

Okay then, last post of 2019 and last post on the Island of Sint Maarten. Man, it's been a wild ride and I thank every single one of you who read this blog and listen to my complaints, wins, and failures. I'm so grateful. Aside from the construction noises at 8am in my apartment complex and the water and power turning off without any warning and how expensive this Island is I loved it here. It's a beautiful Island and the locals were so nice to me. I will definitely miss this little gem called Sint Maarten and the hikes, the water, and the people. I'm excited to move on to the next two years of medical school with you guys...which include step exams and clinical rotations! WOOT WOOT! Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! I guess I'll update you next year :)

TTYL!

Le updates

SAK PASE!!

Hey y'all! I don't have much to share I just wanted to come share pics of maself at the Celebration of Academic Excellence last week. You girl got inducted into the schools honor society, received a plaque for winning the Karl Stockhausen student of the semester award and got called up for making the dean's list. This was a nice way to end my last semester here on the Island. Here is a link with a little article about the night --> link

Also, yesterday I went with Dr. Chobanyan (an oncologist/professor at our school), the fellows, and a group of students to a clinic where we had a breast/health screening and education event. It's part of a breast cancer research Dr. Chobanyan is doing. I was invited to go only for Creole translation but we ended up not getting any Creole speakers yesterday so I ended up doing patient literacy and education with another student. It felt great teaching the Sint Maarten community how to self-check themselves for breast cancer and the things that do and do not cause breast cancer. They also got to check their cholesterol and glucose levels, BP, Ht, Weight etc. I will be going again on a Saturday in November so i'm looking forward to that. I'm also adding some pics of that.

Finally, the Black Medical Student Association on campus (BMSA) had a boat trip a few weekends and ago and I looked too cute so I had to share some of those pics too lmbo.

Comp is in about a month and I'm freaking out a little bit, I still have Cardio, respiratory, Renal and Endocrine systems to go through beforehand and I honestly don't think I have enough time to go through it all. So, I'm going to leave it in God's hands to do what only he can do...the impossible. Enjoy the pictures below and I pray that next time I post a blog update is after comp to tell you all how I passed! I'm speaking it out and I'm claiming it. So shall it be.

TTYL!

Le big bad 5th semester!

Sak Pase!!

 I'M A 5TH SEMESTER Y'ALLLLLL!

It took me two weeks to write this post because of how busy and behind I am in everything. But that's basically my whole life summed up...i'm always behind lol. I complete a little bit of the post then i start to feel guilty so I stop typing so I can go back to my studies lol. I'm also taking so long to write this post because so much has happened. I'm sure you're excited for me to tell you about 5th semester...my last semester on the island...the busy semester. 

If you don't want to read about God skip this post, respectfully :) 

So much has happened since the last time I posted and I mean SOOOOO much. Most of the things I don't feel comfortable sharing so I'll spare you the details and just share the general things but I feel like a completely new person. I have renewed strength, renewed faith in the Lord, and renewed passion for medicine. I have always wondered why things were always a struggle for me. Y'all just don't know how much it took to get here and how much I'm still dealing with. This whole time I thought it was God punishing me. My childhood, my hurt, this difficult path to med school...all of it I blamed on God. However, I learned recently that generational curses are a thing. I learned that I was misdirecting my anger and frustration towards God when it should have been towards the devil. The devil was closing doors but the Lord had his hands in mine and was opening them for me. Sorry to make this post about religion and God but He's been too faithful for me not to share with the world how wonderful he's been to me, so no I'm actually not sorry. *shrugs*

DESPITE all the mess, I made it on the Dean's list again and I'm one of the 15 people in my class who made the school's Honor & Service Society this semester. The Celebration of Academic Excellence is Friday, October 18th and my name will be called up to the stage 3 times, once for Dean's list, once for the Honor Society and once for the Student of the Semester Award. Do you see why I'm grateful? because my journey here has been difficult and some days I couldn't study, some nights I cried myself to sleep, sometimes I was just too depressed to get up for class. M first semester, I was so depressed, I ignored 4 weeks worth of MCB and Anatomy class but somehow I still managed to pass the classes. I failed the final exams but I still ended up passing the classes because I did so well in the midterms. Another example...last semester things got so tough that I couldn't study for pharm during second block. AND DO Y'ALL KNOOWW HOW MANY DRUGS WE NEED TO REMEMBER FOR PHARM? A LOT. That Monday, I failed exam 2A with a 40 percent. That Tuesday, I drank Redbull, it gave me wings and I studied weeks and weeks of drugs in ONE DAY and ended up with a B on exam 2B that Wednesday. I then passed the final and made the dean's list. Do you see what I mean? God is faithful and for that I'm grateful. When people ask me how I do it and I answer "it's God," they laugh at me and think that I just refuse to to share my secrets. Ain't no secret lol. I grind and I mean I grind hella hard but most importantly I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

OKAY, I'm done lol. Let's talk about 5th semester. I'm taking ICM 5, ICM6, Behavioral Science and Ethics. Ethics was only two weeks, I took the final this past Tuesday. First behavioral exam is this upcoming week. Not excited for that one at all. So this is a typical day for us: We have ICM mostly every morning from 9am-11am where we get to act like doctors. Then we have behavioral from 12:30-2:20pm. Then Ethics from 2:30-4pm. Now that Ethics is over we're free at 2:20pm unless we have a double lecture day in behavioral . Sometimes we don't have ICM in the mornings because we have special workshops like venipuncture or focused interview etc.

Now this sounds all easy right? WRONG? We have to do these things all while self studying for our big COMP exam. The comprehensive exam is basically an exam we have to take that mimics the USMLE Step 1 exam. It includes everything we learned since we began classes on the Island. We have to take it during our 5th semesters and PASS it so we can be cleared to take the Step exam when we leave the Island. If you don't pass Comp 1, you're given a chance to pass a pathology shelf and a physiology shelf. You have to pass BOTH shelves to be cleared. Now if you still don't pass those, you're given another chance to pass by taking Comp 2. If you still don't pass you won't be cleared for step, you have to go back to the states and study for comp 3 given in the states. If you still don't pass I think they have you return to the island to study under supervision and take another comp with the current 5th semesters at the time. If you still don't pass after that, I'm not really sure what happens then.  Sorry that's all the info i have on that because I'm planning on killing the first comp SOMEHOW. Lettuce pray lol. They had us take a diagnostic NBME exam so we can see where we are in our knowledge and what we need to study and let's just say I was at the bottom so your girl has got A LOT of work to do. I have gaps in my knowledge, especially when it comes to MCB, Anatomy and Pharm, the classes I struggled with most haha, go figure!

I find it really hard to make time to study. With ICM and behavioral and ethics and CPR classes in the weekends etc theres just no time left during the day. The days seem to be getting shorter and shorter and shorter. We also have to complete two preceptorships before the semester is over. I signed up to do mine after comp at the end of the semester. I signed up for an obgyn rotation and a pediatrics rotation at the Sint Maarten Medical center.

Finally, I'm using cramfighter to schedule my studies. I am 4 days behind on my schedule :) The school gives us UWORLD and Kaplan Qbanks so I try to do questions on them every day no matter If I get time to do content review or not.  Questions are extremely important so even though I'm behind in content review I still try to do questions every day. I still have a lot left to do but let's get this bread or whatever lol.

Whew, I'm at the end FINALLY! I'm going to continue to study this here behavioral material now. I apologize for the long post. If you read the whole post, thank you so much!

PS: Every time I want to be reminded of how far I've made it, I look at this picture:

TTYL! 💜

4th semester...CHECK!

Sak Pase!

PROLOGUE: I wrote half of this post a few days before my exams and saved it as a draft to get back to it later after my exams. I'm a firm believer in speaking it into existence, or writing it in this case. Speak what you want out into the universe and it will come to pass. And it worked yet again. The only things I'm typing up RIGHT now is this prologue and the part of the post that starts with this ----> "But LET ME TELL Y'ALL ABOUT PHARMACOLOGY." and ends with this ----> "glad that's over lol." Read on....


Please accept my apology for this long hiatus. This semester has been A STRUGGLE Y'ALL. This semester definitely tested my steadfastness and my strength. Suffice to say, God definitely has his hands on me and I couldn't be more grateful. Here's what you missed in list form lol...

• I was nominated for the AUC Student Judiciary Committee Dr. Karl Stockhausen's Student of the Semester award and y'all I wonnnnn! I'm your May 2019 Student of the semester! A friend of mine nominated me without letting me know smh and with all that was going on with me I wasn't going to do it but I had a chance to help someone else so how horrible of a person i would be if i didn't at least try. The winner of the award gets a 5,000 dollar scholarship to donate to an organization of their choice on the island. Remember the preschool I volunteered at last semester? I decided to donate it to them. They will be purchasing an interactive whiteboard to make it easier to teach the kiddies. 

        Also here's a screenshot of a friend and fellow student on SJC who made the announcement on                    AUC's student announcements Facebook page, and he used a BOMB picture of me too haha.

• I passed all of my final exams you guysss. AND I THINK I might be qualified to enter the honor society here at AUC for my next and last semester. You need an 85 percent overall GPA throughout all of your semesters here to make the honor society so we shall see. AND yayy to Dean's list again? But LET ME TELL Y'ALL ABOUT PHARMACOLOGY. Y'all I don't know how I passed that class. I mean, I reaaallly dont know. My finals were yesterday. I took Path II first, then the Pharm exam, then the neuro exam. Path went okay, neuro went okay, Pharm...omg. It was 70 questions and i marked about 45 questions for review during the exam because I didn't know them. But I ended up getting right about average in the grades. The grades weren't released until midnight smh. I'm glad that's over lol. 

• Finallyyyyyy, the talent show! The BMSA Talent show was Aug 2nd. I performed two songs this time. It went more than wonderful, I enjoyed myself and got to share my feelings through song on stage. I even teared up a little bit on the last song...craazyy. I will insert some talent show pictures and also the recordings of my two songs at the end of this post if you guys want to watch. The first song is called "Say you love me" by Jessie Ware and the second one is called "You don't know" by Katelyn Tarver. I apologize in advance for the bad quality. Uploading it to youtube changed the quality. 

4th semester...CHECK! I am now a 5th semester student y'all, my last semester on the island! Its going to be a challenging semester but your girl got this. Don't get me wrong i'm worried as hell,  I have sooo so many issues with family and my personal life and I'm afraid that it will get in the way of my studies like it did this semester. But I've made it through this far so I'll keep pushing despite all the odds. Thank to everyone who's been reading and following me on this journey, I hope I make you proud and bring about some inspiration in your life. Little ole me is making it through medical school successfully so far and if I can do it, anyone can do it.

Say you love me by Jessie ware

You don't know by Katelyn Tarver

TTYL!!!!

Les updates

Sak Pase!

So, first midterms are over (since June 5th actually) and I've been too lazy to do anything since then. So lazy that I haven't even started studying for one of my classes yet and I'm at least 3 days behind on the other two. Yep, I'm THAT behind. Before you say anything...I know, I know, I'm a BAD medical student and I should know better than to let these lectures pile up like that. I'm a bad influence and not a good role model. But to be honest, I'm having a moment. I'm without motivation, I'm tired (mentally) and I just have no stamina to be studying 8-10 hours a day right now. I am not depressed, I'm just DRAINED of physical, social and mental energy. Behind on lectures, laundry is piling up, I haven't actually cooked in weeks, and I've been sleeping and sleeping nonstop. Okay now stop thinking that....I'm not pregnant either 👀

I have experienced this before and like I said, I'm just tired. My mind is racing too much so I needed the time off, I've had it off and now its back to business. My mind does that lol, it's stubborn and it needs breaks. Until it gets a break, i'll just be sitting in front of my laptop, wasting my time watching lectures without actually learning anything. Can we say #SelfCare or nah? #TreatYoself #LifesTooshort

Let's talk about midterms. I did PRETTY well on Neuro and Path II for Exams 1A. Pharm, well....that needed a LOT of work. Through sketchy pharm, tutoring slides and Anki Decks I managed to bring my grade up significantly on Exam 1B. *Pats self on back* I really hope I can catch up this weekend so I can get back to going to classes by Monday. Also, Intro to Clinical medicine (ICM 4) has started so now I'm back to dressing doctor, physical exams and focused patients interviews, oh my! There's no more time to lollygag, I gotta pretend doctor!

The Dean's list ceremony of academic excellence is next Friday, June 21st so I'll see if my beloved friends (AUC and back home) can take some pics of me to share with you all. Community Action Day is next Saturday! CAD is a semesterly event that AUC puts on where students sign up to go volunteer in the St. Maarten community. Whatever interests you really, there are road clean ups, working with kids, planting trees, helping serve ice cream. It's a beautiful thing. You get a free t-shirt and breakfast too!

Finally, thank you to every one who's been following this blog. I've received many emails from people with questions and comments and believe it or not, each and every time I would get nervous because I always want to make sure I'm helping you or answering your questions to your liking. I know how anxious I was when I made the decision to come to AUC and how great it felt knowing that there were people out there I could reach out to for answers.

TTYL!

AUC Match Day List

Sak Pase!

Short post! I just wanted to post a link to AUC's 2019 Residency Placements. AUC reported a 90 percent residency attainment rate this year and had 349 residency placements. If you want to check out where students got matched check it out ----> Here . I check this list every year because I want to see what residency programs are open to international medical graduates so I can start prepping my list. It's never too early.

Exams are in a week and I think I'm playing with fire because I'm sooooo behind in like every class y'all and I find it hard to study because problems keep coming at me left and right. Because I'm stressing, I keep getting my migraines and they're worst than they've ever been. I feel like I'm being tested. Pray for me.

TTYL!

I Wish I Wish

Sak Pase!

To begin this post, my good friend's family was in a horrible accident and I mean HORRIBLE. Their car got hit by a drunk driver. If you're able to help, please take the time to donate to their gofundme. They are in A LOT of debt and they need as much help as they can get. If you're not able to donate, please share the link on your social media pages and to your friends and family. Thank you in advance. Here is the link---> gf.me/u/snf7a9

Y'all I'M A 4TH SEMESTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The plan was for me to post right after exams but I was so excited to be done with third semester that I didn't go anywhere near my laptop. I had PTSD. Classes start tomorrow but my brain is still on vacation mode until further notice. I'm not ready for more of this torture so I'm just going to stay in denial and convince myself that I have one more week to vacay.

This past semester came for my life and it came in full force but I DID IT Y'ALL, I made the dean's list again and honored two courses. Let me brag a little, I gotta learn to pat myself on the back. Buttttt YET AGAIN, just like in Phys I, I came so close to honoring Phys II....like 1 percent away but I didn't 😑 Beggars can't be choosers so I have no regrets.

I am grateful for this semester, I learned a lot and God showed up and showed out. I don't know what I would do or where I would be without prayer. I didn't think doing well this semester was going to happen but it did. I need to believe in myself a little more because this self-doubt thing is getting a little old. It's getting A LOT old. I'm tired of the anxiety and the panic attacks I go through each semester because my brain wants to overthink and convince itself that I do not belong here. Every morning, I must remind myself "Bettyna you've made this far which means you have the ability to go even further." EVERY MORNING. That's my pep talk to me. That's how I'm able to get up and study every day. Well, almost every day because some mornings, the pep talk doesn't work so I either remain in bed, cry, pray, or watch youtube videos. I have issues but I embrace them. I'm working on them everyday. I'm sharing this because I don't want anyone reading this to think that this all comes easy for me because that would be so far from the truth. I have to deal with personal bullshit, family bullshit, financial bullshit while I med skooool but that's part of life. I have to remind myself that others have it worst (or is it worse?) than I do. I have to remind myself that this isn't just for me. This is for the people who came before me who didn't have the choice to do all this. Those who came before me who couldn't dare DREAM. I have the freedom to not only dream but to live out those dreams. These reminders are what gets me up. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. When they don't, I just let it be and I take a day off. WAAAAAAAA? A med student taking the day OFF? Yep! This past semester, there was a point in time where I took a whole week off from studying. That meant more work for me later but when you can't....you just CAN'T! It's okay to take a day off. Cuz what am I? Superwoman? I wish.

Without further ado, introducing my new classes for this semester: ICM IV, PATH II, PHARMACOLOGY, and NEUROSCIENCE. I heard Pharm is worse than med micro and y'all know how much I suffered in med micro. So I guess Pharm and I are going to be on an uphill battle. I know myself and myself doesn't do quite well with memorization, I do better with concepts. Med micro and Pharm are both rote memorization so you see how that's an issue for me. Yeesh, wish me luck.

Just a little fun fact..... My goal at AUC is not to make dean's list or honor a class every semester. That goal was only set for my second semester because I had something I wanted to prove to MYSELF. After I met my goal that second semester, my goal then changed. In other words, my goal now is to NOT FAIL A CLASS no matter what hell I must go through. So please don't EXPECT me to make the list every semester. If I do, then great. If I don't...did I pass my classes with 70 percent or above that semester? Yes? then I am satisfied. Dean's list is just the icing on the cake y'all....it's important that you remember that. Shoutout to the people who made it to the next semester. For those who have to repeat a class, shoutout to you too. You'll get 'em next time. You're doing something that a lot of people wouldn't dare do. You're doing something that others find almost impossible. Look at you dawg!! LOOK AT YOUU! Also a big shoutout to the ones at AUC who have always been there to help a girl out. I mean they're always there! Y'all know who you are!

I wish, I wish with all my heart to excel this semester in a land called med school. *

TTYL!


*I hope y'all caught the "Dragon Tales" reference 😉

4am - Talent Show

Sak Pase!

I should be studying considering that my final exams are in a week and few days but of course I'd rather write a blog post. 😬

The BMSA talent show was last Friday and of course I performed like I've done the past two semesters. As usual, I have it recorded and everything but I've been listening to the video over and over again to make a decision on wether or not I want to post it for y'all to see. I performed the song "4am" by Melanie Fiona and y'allllll I love LOVE the song, especially the end. If you listen to the instrumental without the vocals on youtube you'll see what I mean, the instrumentals at the end of the song just hits different.

Anyway, I rehearsed my song before the talent show with the school's audio system. However, I ended doing the actual performance with the instrumental being played from the DJ's speakers they hired for the night. Unfortunately, the sound wasn't that great from his speakers. I couldn't hear the music properly plus the bass didn't come out correct from the speakers. There was a point in the beginning of the perfomance where I legit wanted to stop the music and start over haha but I didn't want to look like a diva so I had to deal with it.

I meaaaannnn, I still sounded great 😌 lol but the whole time during the performance it felt like I was battling with the music. I had to slow down, then catch up, then slow down, then catch up with the music, especially towards the end, which was supposed to be my FAVORITE part. Anyway, I decided to post it on here since I've posted my last two performances from the last two semesters so I'd feel weird if I didn't do it this time, good or bad right? Either way, the video and some pics are at the end of the post, enjoy! If you want to hear the song from Ms. Melanie Fiona herself just youtube it. It's a great song!

So like I said in the beginning of the post, final exams are right around the corner and I'M OVER IT. Really, I want it over. I'm tired, I'm annoyed, I'm homesick, and I feel like this semester has been like the lonnngest semester yet. IT NEVER ENDS. I just want to be in Florida chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool.

Back to studying, I hope to bring good news about finals!

TTYL!

Second Midterms...CHECK

Sak Pase!!

Y'allllllll. Let me tell y'all...my blood pressure is going through the roof on this island. The highs and the lows that I go through here, my heart is going through it man. Not to be dramatic but this semester is coming for me hard, especially this block. NO MERCY. 

So midterm exams 2A were on Monday and 2B were yesterday. I did WONDERFUL on my path exam on Monday but I literally BARELY passed Med Micro and Phys II. Phys, I wasn't too worried about because I put it on the back burner and didn't study for it as well as I should have. I had to focus all of my attention on Path. So Phys was put on the back burner but med micro....dawggg. I studied literally every day for that class and I ended up barely passing it. I got the same score I got on the Exams 1A and 1B from first block. Basically, I've gotten a 70 percent three times in this class. You can imagine my frustration. I put my all into a class and can't seem to do much better than the bare minimum. It made no sense to me. It would be a different story if I didn't study enough for the class but I studied my ass off and couldn't get past a 70%. Sooo Tuesday was a stressful day for yo girl. I had to study phys AND med micro in depth before my exams on Wednesday. 

So now it's Wednesday, I'm in the testing center praying and sweating bullets. I decide to take the Phys exam first, then med micro, then last minute I decide to retake Path. I did well the first time on Path but I didn't get the A I wanted, so why not? I have nothing to lose. So now I'm done with exams, I go home and try to sleep so I don't see when the emails for the scores are sent out. That's a fail. I drank a Monster energy drink before the exams so I basically can't sleep. So I watch a movie while I anxiously wait for the emails to arrive. It's 5:36pm when I receive the first email for the med micro exam. I say a prayer, unlock my phone, and put baes phone number in front of me ready to call to cry to him if it didn't go well. 

Y'allllll, I missed TWO QUESTIONS on med micro and ended up getting the highest score I've ever gotten so far in medical school. I not only scream at the top of my lungs, I stand up and proceed to jump on my bed while the song "Badder than Bad" by Fuse ODG is playing on Apple Music. (Wonderful Song, I inserted the music video for the song at the end of this post if you want to take a listen.) Next up, I get the email for Path. That one didn't go as well haha, I passed it but I did much better the first time so I wasn't phased. Then, I get the email for Phys. I went up significantly on that exam. Didn't make my A but sure was close. And now, I take a deep breath and thank God that I can finally breathe again. My blood pressure went back to normal, my nerves calmed, and my heart stopped fluttering. The migraine was still there but we'll blame that on the energy drink.

I'm dramatic I know, but the last two paragraphs are literally how my day went yesterday and I figured you would want to go through the actual experience with me lol. I'm taking it easy the rest of this week and it's back to the grind for the next 5 weeks or so. I need to ace these NBME finals next month to reach my goals for this semester. 

Tomorrow I'm volunteering at a preschool in town for a few hours. This is a personal project that I've decided to do on my own. Saturday, I'm also volunteering with the pediatric interest group that morning. We're going to volunteer with the kiddos! Y'all know I want to work with kids in the future so this is exciting for me. Oh also, I need to get my life back on track so I'll be doing some laundry and cleaning and Netflix-ing. 

Second midterms...✅ 

Next up, FINALS! 

TTYL! 

Celebration of Academic Excellence

Sak Pase!

A couple of friends from back home took some shots of the live recording of the Dean's list celebration from their laptops so I wanted to share. Let me enjoy this cuz I might not make it anymore haha #MedMicroIsABeast. Here ya go....

TTYL!

Either I'm an Egare or I Was Just Burnt Out

Sak Pase!!

Creole word of this post: "Egare" - Haitians use this word to call someone/oneself an "idiot" or "dumb."

Okay so it's been a while and I have no excuse, none whatsoever.

So far, third semester has honestly been a humbling experience for me. In my last post I explained a few things, including the classes I'm taking this semester, Dean's list, tutoring and Honoring courses. Last semester went great for me, so I got this wonderful idea you know...keep doing and being great. But this semester, third semester, is legit coming for my life. Kinda reminds me of my first semester struggles. As a reminder, I'm taking Pathology I, Medical Microbiology, Physiology II and ICM (intro to clinical medicine) III. During my first semester at AUC, ICM started around the middle of the semester. During my second semester, ICM started towards the end of the semester. This semester, ICM started right in the beginning. For this semester, we had physical exam checkoffs (heart exam, lung exam, abdomen exam, and peripheral vascular exam). We also had interview checkoffs and OSCEs. What the heck are OSCEs? I don't even know, let me google it....

"Objective Structured Clinical Examination (OSCEs) is a form of performance-based testing used to measure candidates’ clinical competence.  During an OSCE, candidates are observed and evaluated as they go through a series of stations in which they interview, examine and treat standardized patients (SP) who present with some type of medical problem." I got this from the "oscehome.com" website. Take a look if you're intrigued.

Basically, we had 4 timed stations. One station was vital signs, one was a physical exam station, one was a focused interview station and the last one was heart exam/murmurs. I get nervous about the smallest things and let's just say I was a nervous wreck. I came in the first station sweating bullets and stuttering while talking to the standardized patient. I was a little off on the Blood pressure reading. During the heart exam, I turned the stethoscope to the bell side but forgot to rotate the head until I heard it click. In the focused exam station, I almost ran out of time, smh. Mind you, the OSCEs were literally the day after midterms so either I'm an egare or I was just burnt out

The interview check-offs and physical exam check-offs were the week before exams. Interview check-offs went great but physical exam check-offs was a freak show. I mean YOUR GIRL MESSED UP BAD. What's my excuse? Well, i have trouble feeling the ribs on the human body and counting them to find the correct intercostal spaces to listen to the heart sounds. When I think I'm on the 2nd intercostal space, I'm on the 3rd. My preceptor was not happy with me whatsoever. You have to make under a certain amount of mistakes I think to pass the check-offs and boy I was close. I passed it but barely. I cried...in the bathroom...like legit tears...red eyes, nose dripping, hiccups, boohoo crying. I cried not because my preceptor went innnnnn on me but mostly because I did so badly. Reason #144 why I always say med school isn't for me. But if the next person can do it, why can't I? I always have to remind myself that it's okay to mess up sometimes. As long as I learn from my mistakes. Plus I need to woman up and stop it with the tears. I won't make it through rotations and residency if I'm that sensitive. Shoot, ask me how I made it this far.

Now let's talk about my first midterms. I'm not sure if it was because of ICM, but I felt like I barely had time to study.  I aced Path, did okay with Phys and BARELY passed Med Micro. FREAKING MED MICRO.... I mean, I studied my ass for that exam. Like I lived and breathed Med micro. I went to my professors office hours for an exam review and I was sooo angry. Most of the questions on there I was able to answer right away. So please tell me why I couldn't do the same during the exam? 😐

I need to get it together cuz this? This ain't it.

On a good note, the Celebration of Academic excellence is tomorrow and your girl will be in attendance because I made Dean's list last semester. I pray that my name can remain on the list for the next two semesters but the way med micro is coming for my life, we'll see! Wish me luck!

I should really re-read this post to check for mistakes but the laziness is real. So judge me not. Read and if you see a mistake, read my blog description at the top of this page haha.

TTYL!

Third Semester, Let's Go!

Sak Pase!!

Merry Christmas everyone... I mean, Happy New Year. See the thing is I started this blog post on Christmas day and I meant to post this then but...life. I have been wanting to update for a while but ever since my final exams last semester, I've had an aversion to my laptop, it reminded me of school and torture and sleepless nights. I'm soooo dramatic 😂 So, I got back to the island yesterday and I admit it was a bit difficult for me. It felt good being back home in the States and around friends and loved ones but the grind don't stop so I need to suck it up right?....

So as you all know, my first semester at AUC didn't end too well for me. I did great on my midterms but once finals rolled out I messed up baaaad. I ended up with less than mediocre scores.  Anyway, this past semester I wanted to prove to myself that I can do better. I had two goals in mind for my second semester. Goal #1 was to make Dean's list and goal #2 was to get an 89-90 percent in Physiology so I can be eligible to be tutor. I used to hate physiology, I used to be afraid of it actually but mindset is everything guys. I came into my physio class this past semester with a goal. To prove to myself that PHYSIO will not own me this time. And y'all...I DID IT! I made Dean's list this semester and I got the invite to tutor physiology. Are y'all proud or nah? I pray to God that I can do the same this semester and the rest of my time here at AUC.

I wanted to talk a bit about Dean's list and about honoring a course here at AUC. I think I've mentioned it in a previous blog but for the wonderful overachievers out there, here's a little more info. To honor a course and get a big "H" on your transcript instead of a "P" or Pass, you need a 90 percent or more. It's not easy to honor a course so it is a wonderful achievement if you do end up honoring one. However, don't make it something you obsess over that it ends up affecting you negatively. Med school is hard, very hard, but don't let honoring a course drive you crazy. To be honest, I think it's more important to try your best to not fail one instead....bite me.

How about Dean's list!? To make Dean's list you need a cumulative average of an 87 percent in all of your courses combined. If you make dean's list for a semester, there will be a "Celebration of Academic Excellence" held the following semester to celebrate your achievements, along with everyone else who also made the list.

Let's talk about tutoring. If you make an exceptional mark in a class, professors will email you an invite to be a tutor for the following semester. Not only does being a tutor look good on your resume but it also helps you retain the knowledge so it can stay fresh on your mind for when the monster Step I exam comes around. Oh and you also get to help other students like yourself who might benefit more from your help than they would from the professor! Three birds, one stone :) To be honest, if it wasn't for tutors, I'm not sure how I would do in some of my courses.

Finally let's talk about my schedule for this semester.  If you remember, I am still the Treasurer for AMSA and now I am a peer-to-peer tutor for Phys I. I am taking Pathology I from 8am-9:20am. Physiology II from 9:30am-10:20am and Medical Microbiology from 10:30am-11:20am. I am also taking Intro to Clinical Medicine III but that course doesn't last the whole semester. I'm excited and scared at the same time because a lot of the upper semesters expressed to me that this semester was the most difficult semester for them. I haven't figured out my study schedule for this semester yet but I do hope I figure it out soon. I need to get back to the grind. THIRD SEMESTER, LET'S GO!!

I think that's all for now folks!

TTYL and HAPPY NEW YEAR!