Views, Beyonce, and Finals

Sak Pase!

Now I know I went ghost for a while but I haven't had the motivation to write lately....especially with every thing going on around me. FOUR WEEKS until I complete my first semester of medical school. I mean wow! I think the last time I updated you all was a week or two before my second midterms in the beginning of the month. I passed all of them and all above average! My lowest score was Anatomy, both in Exams 2A and Exams 2B. To be completely honest, I'm a little annoyed because I'm close to an A in every other class but Anatomy. The goal was to honor all of my classes this semester but it seems that Anatomy is making it it's goal to kick my big behind. I don't want to be mediocre, I want to be great #bars

I also got above average on my second anatomy lab practical, same score as the first practical actually. Today, we took our third practical. Scores are still not up so I will update when they do get released. **UPDATE: Really close to an "A" on my lab practical. I can't complain. Thank you Lord!**

Since last block's exams I have been in a rut. I have not been to a single class (except for Anatomy lab because it's required) since July 16th. Because I stayed up until around 4am-5am every morning to study for last midterm exams, my sleep schedule hasn't been the same. I can't go to bed on time anymore which means I am not able to wake up every morning for classes. I also didn't have the motivation to study for any of my classes. I mentioned that our anatomy lab practical was today right? Well, I started studying only this past Friday for this practical. I KNOWWWWW, I'm a bad example to my readers and I'm sorry. But it happens!! Starting tomorrow, I will make sure that I am up for my classes.....

I mean I do really need to get it together. Finals are coming up! I'll just take a second to explain finals at AUC. At the end of the semester, during finals week, we take an NBME final for each class we have during that semester. So I will be taking a Histology final, a Molecular and Cell Biology 1 final, an Embryology final and an Anatomy final. The NBME exams (National Board of Medical Examiners) are not exams written by the professors of the school, unlike our other block/midterm exams. NBME is the organization that develops and manages the USMLE Step Exams that us med students have to take. Step 1 is taken around the second year after completion of basic sciences and before hospital rotations. During 3rd and 4th year, we must then take Step 2 Clinical Knowledge and Step 2 Clinical Skills. Then Finally Step 3 after completion of med school and during residency. The point is, AUC gives us the NBME exams as our finals for each class every semester in order to prepare us for the USMLE Step exams that we will soon have to take. For that, I am super grateful. We're taking exams written by the makers of the Step exams themselves. Doesn't get any better than that, does it? Yes, I'm still in love with my school!

My last final is Aug 21st, then HOME TO FLORIDA for a whole week!! Can you feel my excitement?

On July 21st, the Black Medical Student Association (BMSA) at AUC hosted a talent show. I'm not a star or whatever, but yours truly was given the chance to bless the stage that Saturday. There were so many great performances and such great talent around me. It was a great show. Below is a short clip of my performance. I performed "Listen" by Beyonce. Shout out to my videographer though! I also have some pictures below. I looked like I was really into it, lol.

Finally,  below are some short clips of a pool party I went to this past Saturday with some wonderful people. This was the same place I went hiking a couple of months ago...Loterie Farms. All I have to say is VIEWWWWSSS.

ONE MORE THING.....

TTYL!

BMSA

Sak Pase! 

There's a student organization at my school called the Black Medical Student Association....full of welcoming and supportive individuals. Wanted to share our AWESOME orgs shirts that we all wore today.

#BlackFriday

TTYL!

Let Them Love You

Sak Pase!

I haven't had the motivation to write lately or else I would have been flooding your emails and social media timelines :)

Let's talk about mental health for the first part of this post hunh? I am Haitian. Haitians typically do not believe in mental illnesses. It's taboo and it isn't addressed. You're experiencing a mental and emotional issue? It's because you're "fou" which means crazy, or it's because you need to pray. Prayer is important of course, but we usually dismiss any mention of mental illness. For example, I have a dear loved one in Haiti right now dealing with mental illness and it's been so hard trying to find somewhere to get her adequate professional help. It shouldn't be like this. I wish my people would realize how important mental health is for our overall well-being, to create a better sense of self and a better future.

Only a few months ago, anything that would happen to me and around me would have me spiraling out of control. I had no control over my mind. It wanted to go in a different direction than where I wanted it, so to speak. Every time I wanted to rest, my mind wanted to wander. When I wanted to pray, anxiety took over my mind. The mind is a powerful thing. You tell yourself you're okay when in fact you're not okay. You tell yourself something doesn't bother you when in fact it does. You think you have it all under control, when in fact this is the reality:

Anyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am with drinking tea, so the above is a perfect image haha. However, I've been trying to get my mental and emotional state completely in check these past two months. It's like every time I think I have myself and my surroundings under control, something comes in and throws me off balance. Now, I'm definitely much better at taking control of my mind and how it reacts to external and uncontrollable factors, especially with prayer, but it's still a work in progress.

STRESS, is that you creeping up on me from the corner fam? I welcome you with open arms and a stronger mind. DOUBT, is that you too? Yo, ANXIETY? Come give it your best shot though! The point I'm trying to make here is to be honest with yourself. Don't pretend it's all okay when everything around you and inside your mind is in flames. That's not healthy. Work on yourself and get help if you need it. As much as I wish this weren't true, you can't handle everything alone. Talk to someone, cry to someone. Let them love you!

With that said, MEDICAL SCHOOL!

I have an anatomy lab exam tomorrow and my second set of midterms for my other 3 classes next week. The grind is on again! Can't believe I'm already halfway through my first semester of med school. Still in love with my school! AUC keeps me content. Because of hurricane Irma that hit the island last September, the school is still under construction. Our class complained about the noise from the construction and we all received Plantronics noice cancelling headphones. As you can see below, I am not complaining anymore as my ears are happy.

Finally, I will be homeless come end of August if I don't find a place to live quick. Only first semester students and fifth semester students are guaranteed a spot in the on-campus apartments. Everyone else only gets a spot if there are any available. I hear that the upcoming September class will be a huge class, meaning no spots for us for the on-campus apartments. So I will be kicked out after this semester ends in August. I haven't had any luck finding a place to live so I'm high-key freaking out. The good apartments available are apartments with 2 or 3 rooms OR studio apartments. I don't want any roommates whatsoever and I don't want to live in a studio. I think both of these things are torture.  Oh and everything here is soooooo expensive. A studio, a SMALL STUDIO costs about $1200, a large one is about $1350. Like yoo, guess I'll have to go take some money from my hidden money tree now.

Wish me luck.

TTYL!

Wasting Today Worrying About Tomorrow

Sak Pase!!

Read the title of this post once again please. Read it again, then again. Then take some time to think about your life.

Being in medical school comes with all of these expectations to be a superhuman and work harder than anyone else. And these expectations are definitely real. I mean, I study EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. It's like a full time job, except I'm working a double shift every day. Classes from 8-11:20, then from 2-4. Shower, then study from 5-10:30pm. This is my life now and I've embraced it. Matter of fact, I love it! I've got to be smart with my studying. Work hard, work harder, work harder some more, THEN play hard. In other words, put in lots of time studying then take some time to enjoy myself. I give props to all of the people who are able to study, study, study, but me, I need my breaks. My basic brain needs some time away from all things medicine.

"Bettyna you're having too much fun, aren't you supposed to be in med school?" Yea, go ahead and study medicine weekly from 8am-10:30 pm (exam weeks aren even worse) then come back and ask me that again. What's the point of burning yourself out so much that you don't even make time to cook a decent meal for yourself? or appreciate the present moment? I think this has always been my mistake. I have always worried about the future that I never took enough time to enjoy the moment. Doesn't that sound miserable? Wasting your today worrying about tomorrow? I have a lot of people who are counting on me for a better life. It can be stressful and I find myself shutting down. When I have those moments, it's because I'm burned out. I go on and on, just floating through the week not really living in the moment. Forgetting that I also matter. The people who are counting on me matter too, but I also matter. How will I make things better for another person if things aren't good for me? How do I take care of another person, if I don't take care of me. My health matters. My goal as a future physician is to contribute to "bon sante" aka "good health" to my patients. But how will I give good health to others if I am also not in bon sante? Not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.

Now that I'm doing what I love AND taking care of myself, I am at peace. I feel like I have the power to handle anything that is thrown at me. Pray and give it a try. Ask God for peace and once you receive it, life will get easier. Just like me you will take a few minutes of your life just to jump on your bed while listening to your favorite song, or lip sync on snapchat to a song on your playlist. Yes, you will have those nights when you just want to scream and the tears are nonstop but that's when you know you need to take a step back and take care of YOU. YOU MATTER. You can't accomplish all of your goals and your dreams if you're not in good health or alive to see them through. Take care of YOU.

So for the people who asked....YES, I'm in med school. But YAAAASSS, I am also living in the moment while I'm still alive to do so. 

I'm sorry for all of the mushy words and feelings, but this was on my mind and writing always helps me feel better. I appreciate you, thank you for reading.

SN: I went on a boat trip with some friends and acquaintances to Anguilla today. Anguilla is a small neighboring island near St. Maarten. Pictures and short snap videos are below! This is also me enjoying the present moment :)

TTYL!